MORGAN HOSPITAL SCARE

Where to even start...this has been an eventful weekend for sure. I have been a little worried about Morgan the past week because I have been noticing some changes in her little body. Not with her legs, but with her bowel and bladder. Things I can talk about on a blog right now because she is only 4 and it doesn't embarrass her yet. Things that as she gets older will be a little harder to deal with. So, I have been watching carefully, but trying not to worry too much. The difference with Morgan and another child is that these changes could mean something way more serious. Because of Morgan's spina bifida, we have been taught to watch for any changes that might mean her spinal cord is "tethering", or stretching because it is stuck on scar tissue, which can cause nerve damage. Most of the time, if you catch it right away, and have a good neurosurgeon, it can be fixed with no major damage to her leg or bowel or bladder function.

So, on Thursday night, I went on a girl's night out for a friend's birthday. It was so fun and I was so happy when I got home. As my niece was leaving, she let me know that Morgan had cried for 5 minutes on the potty because she could not get her pee pee to come out. She finally gave up and went to bed. That was a huge red flag for me. I knew something was wrong. About 30 minutes later, Morgan ran in and got on my potty and still could not get anything to come out. She was in pain and was freaking out. Her bladder was rock hard. I remembered that I had some catheters from a while ago and ran to grab them. I cathed Morgan a little bit, but didn't really explain in detail what I was doing because she was crying so loud and in such pain. I just said that it was going to help her. She apparently didn't remember being cathed for the first 3 years of her life. I got a little bit out, but didn't get her empty all the way. She laid in my bed with me and we snuggled and I worried. Of course, I stayed calm in front of her, but tears streamed down my face in the dark room. Tears because she knows what freedom is in her body. She knows how to run, she is potty trained...she has tasted freedom and I worried that might be taken from her...tears because she is old enough to express in words and emotions what is going on...tears because I physically hurt for her. That must be an inherent mom thing...and tears because I am pregnant and overly hormonal! :) Finally, she asked to go to her bed, because she couldn't get comfortable in mine. I tucked her in and went into my room and cried and worried about what I should do. Since we moved to Arizona, I have not found a neurosurgeon and a urologist for her. It really is unexcusable, and I had made phone calls about it, but just felt like I was going in circles and then I would put it off again. I felt lost and alone. Jason was out of town...it was the middle of the night...I was very emotional.

About 5 minutes after I put her to bed, Morgan came and got on my potty again and just screamed in pain. Luckily, while we were snuggling a few minutes before, I explained everything about the catheter and how Mommy knows how to help her with it and what it does. This time, she laid still while I cathed her and we got everything out. After we were done, she let out a huge sigh and said, "Thank you Mommy, my tummy feels so much better." I then tucked her back in bed and she slept for the rest of the night. Me, on the other hand, couldn't really pull it together. I think it's just that lost feeling because I didn't know where to turn. Jason was great on the phone because he just let me cry and talk it out. I am grateful that we had catheters and that I am trained on how to help her with that, but other than that...I was still alone, and in turn, she is alone. Jason said he would give her a priesthood blessing when he got home, but I told him that I had already planned to call my brother-in-law in the morning because I knew that was the only way to even start handling this. Morgan needed help that can only come through prayer and a blessing. I prayed so hard that night. I poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven that I would be able to handle this and prayed for the special little girl that we have been so lucky to have.

My sister and brother-in-law came over in the morning and he gave her a blessing. It was amazing. I knew that she would be ok, but that I had to take action right away. I also had clarity about where I should take her. I had been keeping her comfortable in the morning through the cathing, so at least it helped. I got the other girls off to school got ready. I got a call from my dad and he said he was going to the temple that day and would pray really hard for her. That was a comforting phone call. Then another sister called and said she could come to the ER with me. What an amazing family I have. Right before we left for the ER, Morgan ran in and said that she went potty on her own and she was so excited. I know that the blessing was helping already.

The ER doctor knew that he needed to talk to a neurosurgeon and a urologist right away. We were placed in a waiting area after she was checked out and after she some tests done, including an abdomen xray. As we were waiting, the neurosurgeon came in and told me about the tests he was ordering like a CT scan and an MRI, which is exactly what she needed. I knew he was a miracle. As we talked and he got her history, we found out that he knows both of Morgan's previous neurosurgeons really well. They are all seniors in their field. When he said that, I knew that it was no accident that this was all happening and that this was another miracle in Morgan's life. The Lord's hand was in it again and he would not let us be left alone, but that she was led to someone who is in the top of his field. He told me that I should have had the right doctors for her by now, since we have lived in Arizona for so long, but also that my primary care doctor should have been more proactive in helping me. He said it looked like she might have surgery next week, but we would have to see how everything turned out.

Morgan was such a champ all day. She is definitely a feisty 4 year old with a strong mind, but when we get into a hospital setting, she is calm, confident and peaceful. She went through so many tests and got poked with needles and just cooperated perfectly with all the doctors and nurses. She also made them laugh pretty hard with some of the things she said. More than once during the day, we got comments on how calm and amazing she was through everything. She held still in an MRI, with no sedation, for an entire hour. They said she did better than most adults. She was happy to get a teddy bear with hearts on it for doing so well through it. After all the tests, they decided to admit her to the hospital. The good news is that the MRI didn't show any need for emergency surgery. Her cord is tethered, so she will have many follow ups with the neurosurgeon, and may need surgery still, but nothing immediate. They just wanted to keep her and make sure that she got cleaned out a little and also continued to go pee pee on her own.

So Morgan LOVED the hospital stay...because she felt good during it. She got her own room, her own flat screen, her own bathroom and movies on demand. Hello...is that resort style living or what! The next morning when they brought her breakfast in, she looked at me with big eyes and said, "I get breakfast IN MY BED?!" She was so excited. She ate some cereal and then said, "Mom, what is this cereal I am eating?" I explained it was TRIX and then debated whether I was a good or bad mom because she didn't already know that! :) She watched Monsters vs. Aliens and few times and got to play in a play room that they have on the same floor. She loved her lunch and was so happy all day. I was happy that they discharged her Saturday afternoon. She, on the other hand, didn't want to leave. Can you blame her? We tried to make it fun for her...I guess it worked!

So now she has the right doctors which will be a great team to take care of her in the best ways here. I don't feel alone anymore because I know where to turn for her. We have many appointments coming up very soon. I know this is not the end of the road, but I am glad that this weekend had a better ending than it did a start. After I picked up the older girls from my sister's and drove home, Jason was inside at the door waiting for us. I just fell into his arms and cried. I was tired and emotionally shot. He just held me and said that it would all be ok and he was here now. We spent the night as a family. How blessed I am. How blessed to have the husband and children I do. To have the support system that I have. My sisters and Mom who stayed with me, took care of my kids, brought me food. To have family and friends just call to see how everything was and see if we needed anything. I am happy this all happened before the baby is born. I am blessed to have miracles, whether big or small, in Morgan's life and in my life. I am thankful to have Faith in Heavenly Father and know that through him, all things are possible. I am so thankful that she is ok and we know where to turn to get her what she needs. She is a miracle...plain and simple!